Brandy's Kale Orgasmic Soup

I LOVE kale. More than most people love their children. Kale is like my life force- it helps me overcome every obstacle in life, be it fighting a cold or fighting ninjas. So, you see, I try and incorporate kale into my diet in every way possible. Last night, my stomach was a little weird and all I wanted to eat was soup- and I knew kale would make me feel better because it's my hero, so I decided to make up a soup recipe. I high fived myself after I tried it. Then I kissed the mirror. That was just because I thought I looked really pretty. So-please, make this recipe even if you think you don't like kale. Because you're wrong. And also, dead to me if you think that way.

Serves 4-6 (I'm eating all of it by myself)

2 tbls olive oil
1 large leek, sliced thin and washed well
1 carrot, diced
2 celery stalks, sliced thin
1 Large bunch of kale, chopped roughly and washed
2 yukon gold potatoes, washed and chopped, keep the skin on
1 15 oz can cannelini beans
2 32 oz boxes of vegetable stock, (I used one and a half)
3 cups of water
1 tbls heavy cream
salt and pepper

Saute leeks and evoo on medium in a large pot until leeks are nice and tender, about 8 minutes. Add in carrots and celery and season with salt and pepper. Let those get tender, about 5-7 minutes. Add in vegetable broth and water and bring to a boil. Then simmer for about 20 minutes uncovered. Then, add in the kale, beans and potatoes, season with salt and pepper, and let simmer uncovered for about 20-25 minutes. Can go longer if you want. Once everything is super fucking delicious, turn the heat way down and add in a tbls of heavy cream. Stir, orgasm, then ladle it into a bowl and eat it. Or just stick your head in the pot. Then orgasm again. At least that's how my night with the soup went.

You're welcome.
 

Peanut Butter and Banana Smooooothie

                              

Hello people who like good recipes. It's me. Brandy. The one who likes to eat good food and then write about it. I'm gonna try to get back to posting because I like to feel important. 

So- this recipe is so fucking delicious and healthy, and this is coming from someone who doesn't even like bananas. Well, I like their shape, but I don't like their texture all that much. But, bananas are a great source of potassium and blah blah blah who cares. This is a great breakfast on the go, or a great snack pre or post workout. So, make it. Or may God have mercy on your soul.

Serves 1. (1 lonely person. 1 person all alone. 1 totally alone person.) 
Ingredients:
1 frozen banana (pre-cut the banana, then wrap in foil and stick in the freezer)
1/2 cup almond milk or however much you like. I like thick smoothies
1/2 cup plain greek yogurt
1 tbls peanut butter
2 tbls ground flax seeds
2-3 ice cubes

Put all of the ingredients into the blender. Turn it on. Wonder why your blender sucks. Stand there and pulse it. Turn it back to blend. Watch it do nothing. Stick your spoon in there to mash stuff around and end up hitting the blades and scaring the shit out of yourself at 7:30 in the morning. Add blender to your Christmas list of things you want from your parents. It's finally done. Pour the thick goodness into a glass. Enjoy.

Mexican Mess

I know, I know. It's been 14 years since I've posted. But.... I made something last night and I couldn't stop mouthgasming, so I decided I needed to share this recipe. It's pretty similar to one I already have on here- but so so so so good. And so so so good for you, just like an actual orgasm.

I live alone and eat by myself because I'm an independent woman who don't need no man, so this recipe will serve one really hungry person, which I always am, or maybe 2 people. I don't know- I tried to save half for a scramble this morning and then I laughed at that thought as I scraped the bottom of the pan to get the last morsel into my gigantic mouth. So double the recipe just to have leftovers or something to eat when you wake up hungry at 2am.

Ingredients:
1 carrot- chopped
1/2 small onion- diced
1/2 zuchinni- sliced into half moons
1/2 bell pepper- any color (don't be a racist)- sliced
2 cups kale, chopped 
1/2 cup cooked quinoa or black beans
1 wedge laughing cow cheese, chipotle and queso flavor
1 small red potato
4 tbls salsa
1 tbls cumin
1 tsp chili powder
salt & pepper and salt 'n peppa's 'push it'
2 tbls evoo

Pre-heat your oven to 450. Do it. Now. Please don't argue with me. Then, throw all the vegetables onto a pan and toss with evoo, salt, pepper, cumin and chili powder. Spread them out so they cook evenly and because spreading them out sounds dirty. Roast for about 12 minutes, then flip them around to show them who's boss, and roast for another 8 minutes or so until they're nice and golden. Meanwhile, take the chopped kale and put in a pan, add a tiny bit of water, cover, and steam on medium high until nice and wilted. Season with salt and pepa. Then, once the veggies are done, mix them into the pan with the kale and add your cooked quinoa. Pour the salsa on top, and mix them around while you sing. Singing makes everything better. Then, add the wedge of the laughing cow cheese, stir it all around until it's nice and melted.. look at what you just made, high five your dog (or yourself), and try and get the food to the plate before you finish it. It's hard, I know. (that's what she said. hehehehe).


Enjoy!

Nutrition Health Benefits: by Jillian Mckee

Hey Food people. So a woman named Jillian Mckee emailed me recently telling me she loved the blog and wanted to share some nutritional health benefits with my readers. I know I haven't written anything for you to read in awhile because I'm lazy- but here is something to read!

Enjoy!

 

Nutrition for Fighting Cancer

According to the National Cancer Institute, one third of all cancers may be connected to diet. Many foods in your local grocery store possess potent cancer fighting compounds. These range from antioxidants, which neutralize the damage caused by free radicals, to strong phytochemicals that are only now being heavily researched.

There is no one component to these foods that make them good for fighting cancer; it is best to eat a variety of foods. Supplements can be helpful, but often food sources have substances that work with the anti-cancer substance in order to better eliminate any potential side effects. Your diet can also help you better manage your reaction to chemotherapy or radiation, or even mesothelioma treatment side effects. Fiber, for example, can help prevent the constipation that is a common side effect of certain cancer treatments. Good nutrition also prevents secondary cancer risks.

Avocados
Avocados are a great source of glutathione, a strong antioxidant that works by attacking free radicals and preventing the digestion of certain fats. They also provide a higher amount of potassium and beta-carotene than bananas. New research suggests that avocados can help treat viral hepatitis, which can cause liver cancer.

Broccoli
Broccoli contains a chemical compound that fights breast cancer by transforming a cancer-causing hormone into a more beneficial form. Broccoli contains sulforaphane, which is thought to help prevent some cancers, like rectal and colon cancer. Sulforaphane promotes the manufacture of enzymes that neutralize harmful carcinogens and free radicals.

More bitter types of broccoli have higher amounts of sulforaphane. The amount can vary by as much as 30 times, so shop carefully.

Garlic
Garlic includes allium chemicals that enhance the immune system, boost immune activity of cancer-fighting cells, and help eliminate carcinogens. Substances found in garlic help keep carcinogens from attacking cells, slowing the development of tumors. One ingredient in garlic oil, diallyl sulfide, has been found to neutralize carcinogens in the liver. Studies also found that garlic reduces the risk of developing colon and stomach cancer.

Raspberries
Raspberries may help guard against cancer through antioxidants- substances that neutralize free radical damage. Black raspberries can decrease the incidence of esophageal tumors by as much as 62 percent and help prevent colon cancer.

Tomatoes
Tomatoes have an antioxidant called lycopene that can help control free radical damage. They also contain vitamin C, a potent antioxidant. Note that tomatoes produce more lycopene when the weather is hotter. Carrots, red peppers, and watermelons also have these antioxidants, but in much smaller amounts.

Jillian Mckee